My karma ran over my dogma...

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Oy this title is totally irrelavant

The other reason for a blog is that I can blabber and not waste anyone’s time. For example, I kinda went on a rant in an email, and didn't really mean to like, waste their time. This is what I wrote:

…it really seems that this is the make it or break it year for our grade...ALL the spirit ppl quit, so now i think its only me max and colin that “made it” and play club... although i rlly dont think ive made it, i suck i cant do anything right at "training"
although i felt like that (about practice and my team) about the Cyclones at first and they were the best thing that happened to me, i certainly would have broke it if not for them. I mean, i scored every other game it was crazy what they brought out in me. I loved them so much, when we were going to be on TV, i missed the first day for the Cyclones annual sleepover
i think i have the commitment for classic but not the skill... he said when Pete Sadin asked me to join he wanted me for my "athletisism". i was kinda miffed cuz i had just come from cyclones, but i have NOTHING compared to the other ppl. at least they arent all bitchy. I do have the commitment, i mean i keep in shape like a racehorse, no one else in this school can imagine running 4 miles in addition to 3 practices a week, but i dunno. I guess soccer is all about knowing someone is always better than u, but it sux. and i guess its kind of a relief not being a starter, but that worries me that i dont care so much. A few years ago, i was a star. at the end of the game when we were slapping hands the coaches used to come up to me and say "you did great, ur awesome" etc. and i was bitter about not getting that attention but then i told myself, 'what are you? how can you want to get all the attention when other people worked their asses off? youre jealous cuz they are better then u!' and thats when i started really pushing. and now im in classic soccer, and i love being with ppl that love the game, but its EXPENSIVE, i dont want to be making a mistake with my commitment level and stuff. And i guess what i want is to get a scholorship to college and say, "there that wasnt all thrown away!" but other people dream of going to the olympics or sumthing. i cant deal under pressure i get scared of the ball.
im really sorry for ranting, ive talked to my parents and stuff, but my dad doesnt think classic is a good idea, and ive told everything to my mom, i talk to her about everything. well not really. its hard to start a conversation about on the edge stuff but once the converstaion is started it all comes out. and my friends are like 'stop being a perfectionist ur amazing, ur great stop worrying, look at me...' and then they go all sorry for themselves. and they werent on cyclones, don’t understand how i could be best friends with anyone of them. it didnt matter if we lost, i didnt hear one person yell at another the ENTIRE SEASON. they treated me like a best friend even tho i was a year younger then them, and if i see them around now they run up and give me a big hug. after just one half of a season…

Just for the record, I am a starter now (left back: isn’t that funny?) and practice is a lot better now that I’ve gotten to know the team and am comfortable enough to play my game, which probably earned me the spot. But it’s so sad, I replaced this girl, who is so sweet and nice, I don’t think she could hold a grudge- she talks and like hangs out with me sometimes, that’s how nice she is. But soccer season is mostly over now so I can rant about other stuff now…

OMG TRYOUTS WHAT IF I DON’T MAKE THE TEAM AHHHHHHHH SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, never mind! I’ve got a crazy shinguard tan.
Do you know how good it feels to takeyou’re your sweaty shinguards and socks and stick your wet legs out the window while in the car with the air rushing by? Omg it’s like heaven! (I’m so weird!) ;-D

1 Comments:

  • At 6:27 PM, Blogger Maddie said…

    haha. I have a crazy shinguard tan as well, and a jersey tan. A girl on my team once compared a soccer player's tan to a multi-layer oreo. :P

    I love sticking my feet out of the window too, only I don't do it often as passing cars start crashing.

     

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